I started out feeling positive – giving up a job isn’t the worst thing in the world, is it? This is a golden opportunity and anyway, there are lots of jobs that would suit. Aren’t there?
A few weeks into the search and after lots of applications and agency interviews the enthusiasm and confidence begins to diminish. But you keep up hope…hey, it will work out if you stay positive. Won’t it?
After a couple of actual interviews – at last, people can see your potential – and you hear yourself saying the same old thing and wishing you had different words to speak. Several rejections later and the confidence and the positive attitude are definitely shaky.
This is the second time along this route. This time I look back at the last time and know that things didn’t work out then either, did they? I didn’t solve the problems, or make the changes and here I am, back in the same place with the same issues staring me in the face. I am demoralised and demotivated and depressed. Any confidence I ever had about my abilities and achievements were mistaken, misplaced. If they had been accurate assessments of me, why am I struggling to find a job, any job? Why am I touching bottom?
I’ve hidden away for the last couple of weeks. Someone said ‘stop looking for a while’ and I took the offer. For two whole weeks my heart sang with joy as the pressure was off. I became a housewife and threw myself into domestic stuff. Our cake tins were filled with fresh baking and I looked lovingly at an expensive food-mixer as the next ‘must have’. It was a wonderful fantasy. For a while. But reality hits, discussions about bills and finances burst the bubble and once again I’m touching bottom.
No one said ‘get a job’ but I know its only fair. I should contribute, should pull my (considerable) weight and take some responsibility. I can’t opt out. It isn’t fair. This wasn’t the agreement – we are partners. But the knowledge has turned my head and heart upside down and the pressure is back. I am trying to find the words to say why I am the right person for a minimum wage job that I did fifteen years ago and sounding unconvincing – even to me.
I ought to be positive and innovative and spin the problems the way all the job-hunt books suggest but I can’t. I feel like the rabbit caught in the headlights, scared stiff – I am right out of enthusiasm and bright ideas even though I struggle to come up with something every hour of the day. Last week, when the pressure was off, I filled every hour and needed more. This week I sit and think and think and think and…should I get a job, any job? Or should I aim for the right job? And how do I find the right job? What do I put on an application form that shows I’m the perfect person? What do I need to do to change how I feel about work and its importance to me? How can I find the work that makes me glad to get up in the morning? How? What? Should? Too many questions and no answers. That’s what its like down at the bottom.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Time out
After all the tension of last week I’m trying a new experiment: not looking for a job. That horrible, whinny voice that shouted ‘get a job, get a job, any job…’ in my head constantly has been silenced for the time being and the silence is golden. Now I can relax a little and not feel that time spent doing anything other than job hunting is time that is wasted.
And so I’m taking a breather. Perhaps if the ‘should’ is absent, the ‘could’ will find its natural place? The need to find a particular type of job paying a specific amount of money has been removed, thankfully, and now I’m free to consider all sorts of options. Hopefully, I’ll have one of those ‘when you’re not looking’ experiences when the perfect opportunity pops up unexpectedly. Who knows? Why not?
In the meantime, I’m creating a new daily routine and trying my hand at all those things I used to wish I had the time to try…the house will get the TLC it needs and the cobwebs will be blown of the cookery books. What a great time to plan the garden, next year’s holiday and dream up all sorts of little adventures along the way…perhaps I’ll learn a language, or read the Bill Clinton bio…who knows? The world’s my lobster, as they say!
For the record I have to thank the major shareholder. The wonderful man has made this possible by taking away my worries and giving me space. I am truly blessed. Thank you, Mr A!
And so I’m taking a breather. Perhaps if the ‘should’ is absent, the ‘could’ will find its natural place? The need to find a particular type of job paying a specific amount of money has been removed, thankfully, and now I’m free to consider all sorts of options. Hopefully, I’ll have one of those ‘when you’re not looking’ experiences when the perfect opportunity pops up unexpectedly. Who knows? Why not?
In the meantime, I’m creating a new daily routine and trying my hand at all those things I used to wish I had the time to try…the house will get the TLC it needs and the cobwebs will be blown of the cookery books. What a great time to plan the garden, next year’s holiday and dream up all sorts of little adventures along the way…perhaps I’ll learn a language, or read the Bill Clinton bio…who knows? The world’s my lobster, as they say!
For the record I have to thank the major shareholder. The wonderful man has made this possible by taking away my worries and giving me space. I am truly blessed. Thank you, Mr A!
A bad day
Come in, sit down. I want you to be able to do everything I can do and more. I want you to be my clone. Can you do that?
I’m being interviewed by a JD copycat. Suddenly I am transported back to 1996 and the twelve months I spent as PA to a management consultant. It was the most miserable experience of my working life. Today, I’m trying to look competent and capable as the woman in front of me reels off the things she may ask me to do. She is changing her mind as the interview progresses. This is a new post and the first time in ten years that she will employ an assistant. I have serious doubts that she will be a better employer than JD or that I am what she is looking for. My heart sinks half way through the hour we spend together. I tell her that I feel I’m not what she needs but she won’t be put off and continues her monologue.
Later that same day I hear that the council and the chocolate wholesaler have offered their jobs to other people. And I know that if the consultant makes me an offer, I’d decline. It’s been a tough day and I’m disappointed by the rejections. Why is it so hard to find a job?
I’m being interviewed by a JD copycat. Suddenly I am transported back to 1996 and the twelve months I spent as PA to a management consultant. It was the most miserable experience of my working life. Today, I’m trying to look competent and capable as the woman in front of me reels off the things she may ask me to do. She is changing her mind as the interview progresses. This is a new post and the first time in ten years that she will employ an assistant. I have serious doubts that she will be a better employer than JD or that I am what she is looking for. My heart sinks half way through the hour we spend together. I tell her that I feel I’m not what she needs but she won’t be put off and continues her monologue.
Later that same day I hear that the council and the chocolate wholesaler have offered their jobs to other people. And I know that if the consultant makes me an offer, I’d decline. It’s been a tough day and I’m disappointed by the rejections. Why is it so hard to find a job?
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Life's a competition
Come in; sit down. We’ve got twelve questions to ask you and then we’ll give your answers points. The candidate with the most points gets the job. OK?
It’s another job interview. But this one is a bit of a difference. We rattle through the questions quickly and I am through the door and on my way home before I know it. I’ve not had to explain why I left my last job or what I did or any of the stuff that I’ve practised fresh answers to. It’s a painless and startling experience and I liked it. Perhaps that’s the way all jobs are decided: the answer earns a nod or a frown and the more nods gets you a job. Perhaps it’s more emotional than that: did we like her? Could we work with her? Maybe. Maybe not. Yesterday was matter-of-fact: points mean prizes, er, a job. But what if two of us got the same number of points for our answers. Would personalities come into play then? Or would it be a penalty shoot-out?
Do I want the job? I think so. My instinct says this is a nice team. So now I wait. And while I wait I have another interview. Two in two days – never been known before. I must be doing something right at last.
It’s another job interview. But this one is a bit of a difference. We rattle through the questions quickly and I am through the door and on my way home before I know it. I’ve not had to explain why I left my last job or what I did or any of the stuff that I’ve practised fresh answers to. It’s a painless and startling experience and I liked it. Perhaps that’s the way all jobs are decided: the answer earns a nod or a frown and the more nods gets you a job. Perhaps it’s more emotional than that: did we like her? Could we work with her? Maybe. Maybe not. Yesterday was matter-of-fact: points mean prizes, er, a job. But what if two of us got the same number of points for our answers. Would personalities come into play then? Or would it be a penalty shoot-out?
Do I want the job? I think so. My instinct says this is a nice team. So now I wait. And while I wait I have another interview. Two in two days – never been known before. I must be doing something right at last.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Suited and booted
It’s the age-old dilemma – what do I wear?
I need a good interview outfit. The old one is past its best and needs retiring. But finding a replacement is just as difficult as finding a job!
It’s easy for men – no choice necessary: pick a suit, any suit, add a shirt and a tie and shiny shoes and hey presto! An interview outfit! A suit says: I’m ready for business. I’m efficient and professional. But what if suits don’t suit? I’m the wrong shape for business-like jackets, not enough bosom to balance out the stomach. They just aren’t me.
Never one to give up, I wandered, hopefully, around the local stores with the perfect interview outfit in mind. The fashion buyers this season have opted for a whole different type of style and filled the shops full of chunky, short, colourful jackets with weird collars and enormous buttons. Not a great look when you are already chunky and short. Who wants to look like a character from Willy Wonker – just add your own stripped stockings!
Time for a rethink, I think!
I need a good interview outfit. The old one is past its best and needs retiring. But finding a replacement is just as difficult as finding a job!
It’s easy for men – no choice necessary: pick a suit, any suit, add a shirt and a tie and shiny shoes and hey presto! An interview outfit! A suit says: I’m ready for business. I’m efficient and professional. But what if suits don’t suit? I’m the wrong shape for business-like jackets, not enough bosom to balance out the stomach. They just aren’t me.
Never one to give up, I wandered, hopefully, around the local stores with the perfect interview outfit in mind. The fashion buyers this season have opted for a whole different type of style and filled the shops full of chunky, short, colourful jackets with weird collars and enormous buttons. Not a great look when you are already chunky and short. Who wants to look like a character from Willy Wonker – just add your own stripped stockings!
Time for a rethink, I think!
Agency Anguish
I wish I could find the key to working with recruitment agencies. They are the call-centre of job-seeking, the wall-like receptionist standing between you and your doctor. Unfortunately, they are a part of life so if someone could just provide a strategy for making them useful…?
Do the staff have their hearing removed when appointed? Why, when you say specifically you want to work local, to avoid pressurised offices and contract working do they think you might be interested in a 14 month contract based 14 miles away, working in a pressurised office for six managers. Oh, applicants must have recent experience of working for several people…I screamed, silently!
But it’s not all gloom. Two more agencies have my details and there is the local authority interview next week. The search feels as if it is starting to pick up. No news from the chocolate factory.
Do the staff have their hearing removed when appointed? Why, when you say specifically you want to work local, to avoid pressurised offices and contract working do they think you might be interested in a 14 month contract based 14 miles away, working in a pressurised office for six managers. Oh, applicants must have recent experience of working for several people…I screamed, silently!
But it’s not all gloom. Two more agencies have my details and there is the local authority interview next week. The search feels as if it is starting to pick up. No news from the chocolate factory.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Chocolate heaven - interview hell
I’ve been interviewed!
The chocolate wholesaler was impressed with the layout of my CV, apparently. Thelma rang on Wednesday for an informal chat, which lasted about half an hour. I liked her description of the company and the job so accepted her invitation to meet the next day.
Walking into the building was entering chocolate heaven. Chocolate filled the air and sat on every flat space. Chocolate squares, chocolate bars, gold-foiled chocolate figures, boxes of the stuff. Everywhere. Is it possible to have too much chocolate?
An hour later I left feeling exhausted. The excitement of being invited, followed by the joy of being in chocolate-heaven gave way to the tension of the two-on-one interview and deep scrutiny. And then the appeal of the vacancy drained away when a second, more in-depth round of interviews was mentioned. What more can I tell them?
What more indeed! Hindsight isn’t comforting. A hashed interview – questions answered but not listened too, the same old stuff repeated, it went like clockwork. But I’m not an automaton. If I want a different type of job, with fresh opportunities I need to interview differently too. I am more than just my last job; I am the sum of all my experiences. I should have listened carefully and taken a breath before repeating the familiar, too worn answer. I ought to have asked more questions but they didn’t occur to me at the time…I like to gather facts and to consider things at a distance but that’s not a good strategy for an interview.
I doubt I’ll get a second interview but I’ve learned a lesson or two. So, not all bad then? Next interview please!
The chocolate wholesaler was impressed with the layout of my CV, apparently. Thelma rang on Wednesday for an informal chat, which lasted about half an hour. I liked her description of the company and the job so accepted her invitation to meet the next day.
Walking into the building was entering chocolate heaven. Chocolate filled the air and sat on every flat space. Chocolate squares, chocolate bars, gold-foiled chocolate figures, boxes of the stuff. Everywhere. Is it possible to have too much chocolate?
An hour later I left feeling exhausted. The excitement of being invited, followed by the joy of being in chocolate-heaven gave way to the tension of the two-on-one interview and deep scrutiny. And then the appeal of the vacancy drained away when a second, more in-depth round of interviews was mentioned. What more can I tell them?
What more indeed! Hindsight isn’t comforting. A hashed interview – questions answered but not listened too, the same old stuff repeated, it went like clockwork. But I’m not an automaton. If I want a different type of job, with fresh opportunities I need to interview differently too. I am more than just my last job; I am the sum of all my experiences. I should have listened carefully and taken a breath before repeating the familiar, too worn answer. I ought to have asked more questions but they didn’t occur to me at the time…I like to gather facts and to consider things at a distance but that’s not a good strategy for an interview.
I doubt I’ll get a second interview but I’ve learned a lesson or two. So, not all bad then? Next interview please!
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